Share Mail: Pressure To Fit In

NOTE: THE PROM PRESSURE SHARE MAIL FROM JUST PRIOR TO THE BLOGGER HICCUP IS NOW POSTED WITH TODAY'S DATE, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS FROM LAST MONTH (MAY 11th). I DON'T GET IT. (Maybe it had to do with the labels that were messed up and appearing in the wrong places??? I finally figured out how to fix that, but it should NOT be appearing with today's date--you'll see the majority of comments are from the 11th. I don't get technology sometimes).


Frisky Virgin, 

I'm the only virgin of all my friends and they think I'm weird.  A lot of times I feel like I'm doing things to fit in or to keep up with them and stay in the group-like drinking or smoking and I don't feel good doing those things either.  They make fun of me because I haven't had sex and one guy asked me why I want to be weird.  Sometimes they leave me out of things.  How do you handle it? What do you say?  I've had enough and think if I just do it, then they'll get off my back.

Oh, sweetie, I understand exactly how you feel, but doing things to fit in or in the hope these people will ease up on you is not the way to go--that's not living your life...it's living theirs. 

Never feel you have to engage in activities you are not comfortable with simply to please your friends.  If they were your true friends, they would respect your choices.  Don't drink to make them happy; don't smoke to make them happy; don't have sex to make them happy.  Basically, you're making them happy for a moment--a blip in time--that's it...tomorrow or the next day, they will find something else you will have to do to please them.  It's a vicious cycle and a waste of your life.  YOUR life, not theirs. 

One important life lesson my mama taught me early on was this: No matter what you do, you will never please everyone all the time. In fact, there are some people out there you will NEVER please, no matter how hard you may try. The best you can do is live your life the best way you can, be happy with yourself, and NEVER let someone try to tell you how to live YOUR life. And, believe me, they will try. 

It's amazing how some people are so unhappy in their own lives that they have nothing better to do but to attack, tease, or otherwise try to hurt others.  I wish I could say people grow up and stop being ridiculously petty, but, unfortunately they do not.  Some people get this sick sense of fulfillment when ridiculing others. It's pathetic, nothing more, nothing less.

How I handle it:  I let it roll off my shoulder. I see those types of people for who they truly are and I feel sorry for them.  I stay true to myself, stand my ground, and keep on keeping on.  Again, it's my life, not theirs.

What I say: Not much. If someone comes at you, don't feed them. Just say something straightforward like, "Hey, this is me" or "Just as you are who you are, I am who I am, no apologies." One extremely effective phrase, should they keep at you or cross a line in your book, is this: "Shame on you." Never fails. Basically, you don't need to say much--you don't owe them anything.

Stay strong, darlin'.  There's nothing wrong with marching to the beat of your own drum.  People will try their damnedest to tear you down and get under your skin. Rather than letting their words get to you, look through them--read between the lines, feel sorry for these people, and hope they one day find whatever it is they are missing in their lives.

I know I'm making it sound easy--trust me, I cried in a pillow a time or two (or three or four)...and with each tear, I got stronger. You will too.