NOTE: THE PROM PRESSURE SHARE MAIL FROM JUST PRIOR TO THE BLOGGER HICCUP IS NOW POSTED WITH TODAY'S DATE, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS FROM LAST MONTH (MAY 11th). I DON'T GET IT. (Maybe it had to do with the labels that were messed up and appearing in the wrong places??? I finally figured out how to fix that, but it should NOT be appearing with today's date--you'll see the majority of comments are from the 11th. I don't get technology sometimes).
Frisky Virgin,
I'm the only virgin of all my friends and they think I'm weird. A lot of times I feel like I'm doing things to fit in or to keep up with them and stay in the group-like drinking or smoking and I don't feel good doing those things either. They make fun of me because I haven't had sex and one guy asked me why I want to be weird. Sometimes they leave me out of things. How do you handle it? What do you say? I've had enough and think if I just do it, then they'll get off my back.
Oh, sweetie, I understand exactly how you feel, but doing things to fit in or in the hope these people will ease up on you is not the way to go--that's not living your life...it's living theirs.
Never feel you have to engage in activities you are not comfortable with simply to please your friends. If they were your true friends, they would respect your choices. Don't drink to make them happy; don't smoke to make them happy; don't have sex to make them happy. Basically, you're making them happy for a moment--a blip in time--that's it...tomorrow or the next day, they will find something else you will have to do to please them. It's a vicious cycle and a waste of your life. YOUR life, not theirs.
One important life lesson my mama taught me early on was this: No matter what you do, you will never please everyone all the time. In fact, there are some people out there you will NEVER please, no matter how hard you may try. The best you can do is live your life the best way you can, be happy with yourself, and NEVER let someone try to tell you how to live YOUR life. And, believe me, they will try.
It's amazing how some people are so unhappy in their own lives that they have nothing better to do but to attack, tease, or otherwise try to hurt others. I wish I could say people grow up and stop being ridiculously petty, but, unfortunately they do not. Some people get this sick sense of fulfillment when ridiculing others. It's pathetic, nothing more, nothing less.
How I handle it: I let it roll off my shoulder. I see those types of people for who they truly are and I feel sorry for them. I stay true to myself, stand my ground, and keep on keeping on. Again, it's my life, not theirs.
What I say: Not much. If someone comes at you, don't feed them. Just say something straightforward like, "Hey, this is me" or "Just as you are who you are, I am who I am, no apologies." One extremely effective phrase, should they keep at you or cross a line in your book, is this: "Shame on you." Never fails. Basically, you don't need to say much--you don't owe them anything.
Stay strong, darlin'. There's nothing wrong with marching to the beat of your own drum. People will try their damnedest to tear you down and get under your skin. Rather than letting their words get to you, look through them--read between the lines, feel sorry for these people, and hope they one day find whatever it is they are missing in their lives.
I know I'm making it sound easy--trust me, I cried in a pillow a time or two (or three or four)...and with each tear, I got stronger. You will too.
Showing posts with label Pressure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pressure. Show all posts
Share Mail: Prom Pressure
Dear The Frisky Virgin,
I hope you don’t mind me writing you. I need help and have no one to talk to.
My boyfriend wants to have sex on prom night. I’m not ready. When I told him, he said he’s not sure he could stay with me if I don’t. He even said he might not be able to take me to prom if he knows I won’t have sex with him. He said he loves me, and doesn’t want to break up, but that it’s time we have sex. I feel like it’s an ultimatum. He says if I love him and he loves me, then I should be okay having sex, especially on prom night.
I don’t want him to break up with me, but I’m not ready to sleep with him either. I don’t know what to do.
Never worry about writing me—that’s what I’m here for, anytime.
Your instinct is right: He IS giving you an ultimatum—have sex with him or he’ll break up with you, possibly even before the prom. That’s a low thing to do. If he truly loves you, he simply should not put you in this situation. For him, the future of your relationship rests on whether or not you have sex with him on prom night. That’s just backwards. Love doesn’t work that way.
You’ve told him how you feel and still he dangles the dreaded break-up carrot in front of you. He’s not respecting your feelings—he's too focused on what he wants. It sounds like he’s trying to guilt you into having sex. I understand that you love him and you don’t want him to break up with you…but, do you really want to stay with someone who could put you in this situation?
Sex is a big deal. If you think about it, it’s what brought all of our lives into existence. An act that can create a human life is no small thing. It’s not something you should feel pressured to do before you're ready, even if you love him. No one should ever push you into something you don’t feel comfortable doing. This is your life, no one else’s.
I’ve seen girls give in long before they were ready because their boyfriends backed them into a corner—have sex or break up...and it’s something they said they really regret. I know it’s difficult to be strong, but you need to stand your ground. If he truly loves and respects you, he will stand by you. If not, he may walk away. If he does break up with you, then he didn’t deserve you to begin with. Does it hurt when a guy walks away over not getting sex? Of course it hurts, but, in the end, you stayed true to yourself, you didn’t give in to something you weren’t ready for, and you learned just how strong you are—that’s invaluable.
*If I can be of help to anyone, please know I’m here to talk about the stresses and benefits of virginity, how to handle certain situations, or, well, just anything. :) Messages, whether via e-mail or otherwise, will only be posted if you give the thumbs-up.
After School Special: After The Prom
Dude, Where's My Post?
My last post, Prom Pressure, is GONE. It's nowhere to be found. Anyone else have this problem since Blogger went into maintenance mode yesterday?
I did read where they are working to restore the ghost-posts, so that's good.
***Looks like they are trying to bring it back now*** :)
It's Friday the 13th. Need I say more?
***********************************************************
In light of the Prom Pressure post (whenever it decides to reappear), I thought it might be helpful to share a little post-prom story to further highlight the advice in said (ghost) post.
Written in see-spot-run fashion, I give you, Pseudo Perfect Prom.
Sporty asked Friend to the prom.
Friend was beyond excited and shared her feelings with me. Sporty was a dream date to her--she was quite literally walking on air.
Sporty and I had a class together. *Thank goodness for this little factoid*
In the days leading up to the prom, Sporty was very attentive, caring, sweet, blah, blah, blah. (i.e. he said everything Friend wanted to hear).
*PROM NIGHT*
Monday after the prom: Friend was glowing. She had the "perfect" prom. Friend was a good girl--she didn't do anything sexual with Sporty and was elated when he respected her choices.
I was eager to talk with Sporty about the prom--and Friend anxiously awaited every single syllable--so I headed to our class a bit early. While digging through my bottomless backpack for my seemingly invisible pen, I heard Sporty come in with his friend, Boink.
Boink: "What the hell? So, you didn't get anything?"
Sporty: "Dude, I got nothing. It was a complete waste. I didn't even get a BJ."
The way the room was set up--and because I was bent over, digging around in my bag--Sporty couldn't see me. When I straightened up, he turned sickly pale.
I immediately did what any friend would do: I told her what I heard. I hated to see her so upset, especially after what she thought was a fairytale-like weekend.
Ultimately, she had her say, ended things with Sporty, and was grateful to know his true motives before things went any further.
Moral of the story: Take your time to get to know someone. Keep your eyes wide open, not wide shut. Guys (and I'm sure some girls are guilty of this as well) will lie to get what they want; they will try every angle. Friend was lucky I heard what I did, otherwise she may have continued blissfully believing in something that wasn't real. Though it seems impossible to know someone's true intentions, believe me, there are warning signs--however slight, those little red flags are there, and your gut will react. Listen and trust your instincts--don't ignore what you feel. Talk to someone if you feel confused.
Being alone is always better than being lied to and used.
My last post, Prom Pressure, is GONE. It's nowhere to be found. Anyone else have this problem since Blogger went into maintenance mode yesterday?
I did read where they are working to restore the ghost-posts, so that's good.
***Looks like they are trying to bring it back now*** :)
It's Friday the 13th. Need I say more?
***********************************************************
In light of the Prom Pressure post (whenever it decides to reappear), I thought it might be helpful to share a little post-prom story to further highlight the advice in said (ghost) post.
Written in see-spot-run fashion, I give you, Pseudo Perfect Prom.
Sporty asked Friend to the prom.
Friend was beyond excited and shared her feelings with me. Sporty was a dream date to her--she was quite literally walking on air.
Sporty and I had a class together. *Thank goodness for this little factoid*
In the days leading up to the prom, Sporty was very attentive, caring, sweet, blah, blah, blah. (i.e. he said everything Friend wanted to hear).
*PROM NIGHT*
Monday after the prom: Friend was glowing. She had the "perfect" prom. Friend was a good girl--she didn't do anything sexual with Sporty and was elated when he respected her choices.
I was eager to talk with Sporty about the prom--and Friend anxiously awaited every single syllable--so I headed to our class a bit early. While digging through my bottomless backpack for my seemingly invisible pen, I heard Sporty come in with his friend, Boink.
Boink: "What the hell? So, you didn't get anything?"
Sporty: "Dude, I got nothing. It was a complete waste. I didn't even get a BJ."
The way the room was set up--and because I was bent over, digging around in my bag--Sporty couldn't see me. When I straightened up, he turned sickly pale.
I immediately did what any friend would do: I told her what I heard. I hated to see her so upset, especially after what she thought was a fairytale-like weekend.
Ultimately, she had her say, ended things with Sporty, and was grateful to know his true motives before things went any further.
Moral of the story: Take your time to get to know someone. Keep your eyes wide open, not wide shut. Guys (and I'm sure some girls are guilty of this as well) will lie to get what they want; they will try every angle. Friend was lucky I heard what I did, otherwise she may have continued blissfully believing in something that wasn't real. Though it seems impossible to know someone's true intentions, believe me, there are warning signs--however slight, those little red flags are there, and your gut will react. Listen and trust your instincts--don't ignore what you feel. Talk to someone if you feel confused.
Being alone is always better than being lied to and used.
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