Times Like These Make Me Glad I'm Single

1.  Friend discovers husband has had a sexting correspondence with another woman. No word on whether this has gotten physical.

2.  Another friend gets some big news about a job she's been  hoping for; she calls hubby to tell him the exciting news; hubby doesn't even congratulate her and instead makes some sarcastic comment, sending her into tears.

3.  BFF has been dealing with an emotionally dysfunctional woman, who, I believe, has crafted a relationship out of thin air. We're talking fantasy land, here.

4. Then there are moments like last night...moments you would never want another human being to witness, particularly a man, who should see you as sexy, adorable, cute even. I was none of those things last night when, for whatever reason, I decided mid-gulp that I would go ahead and down the last bit of water in my glass at once.

Somehow, the message didn't quite make it from my brain to my throat. It's kind-of a fog how it all happened, but I started swallowing, while still sipping, then stopped, gagged, and choked...like, bad.

Think pool or ocean and you take in too much water. Know the feeling? See the spastic facial expressions and overly red face? Got the sound effects? Yeah, that. 

Now, add hysterical laughter to the picture.

That would be me.

Once it happened, I quite literally sent a fountain-spit of water back into the glass...and on my legs.  The trajectory of the water leaving my mouth sent me into tear-filled, hysterical laughter, all while choking. I've swallowed down the wrong pipe before....this was not that.

No, this was very different. Had it been witnessed, the laughter would not have subsided for days. I mean, who in heck has an underwater-choking experience without actually being in the water. You would have thought I had been hit by a massive wave.

It took me extra time to catch my breath because the ongoing sounds emerging from my mouth were just hilarious to me at the time. 

I sounded like the Jaws girl in the beginning of the movie...you know, minus the whole giant-shark-butt-biting-thing.

Yes, it's in those moments of utter and complete idiocy when I do not regret being single.